Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
