remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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