I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
