Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
