I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
