I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i believe in u and ur pee
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
