Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
