woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize