They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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