im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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