Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
But break dance skills will only take you so far
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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