shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
