I just made out with a guy for $7.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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