guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am spending my child support on dildos
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm sobbing to NWA
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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