recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i think my cat just said my name.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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