I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
