a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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