I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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