Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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