please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
