Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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