Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
