you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
