I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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