The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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