On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
