what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
