i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
