and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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