He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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