Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
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I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
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Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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