Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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