I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
