piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
