i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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