i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
high people should be assigned attendants
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
