she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
