Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
