I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
