you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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