Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
