I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just pee around me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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