I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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