wanna go halves on a baby?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I could fuck to npr.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
