OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
