Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
