I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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