Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
