Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
