I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
