What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
