Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
