dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
