what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
