Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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