I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I will pee on everything he values.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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