im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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