i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
only you would photoshop your dick
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
