watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
