I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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