i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There's always time for handjobs
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
