So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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