my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
